Hans Bohlinger 1943-2007

the things that capture us and shape us - memories

2009-02-15T13:47:00.006Z

This morning I emailed a friend who had shared a comment about his father's research and that triggered off a forgotten memory about my dad. It made me remember the evenings of my childhood, the happier ones in my earlier childhood days when we just had moved house, the TV did not yet dominate every single household in our street and our family was still relatively full of hope and trust in a happy future. Those were the years my dad spent some of his evenings with writing, drawing, and thinking about devices and processes that could be improved.

He worked in the oil industry then - a business that later in my teenage gave cause for plenty of heated debates and made me become politically green - yet at that stage I just saw my dad was doing a dangerous job that entailed long hours, nightshifts and left him scared - so much that he moved on one day within the organisation into the safer project and office work. At that stage many things had changed.

But in those early years - I still have a photo somewhere of him wearing a jeans suit, sunglasses, sideburns like Elvis and looking just cool in front of his white Ford - he earned a number of awards and I will never forget how fascinated I was when I saw his thinking face, quite a controlled smile on his face, pencil in his hand - I loved that very atmosphere then, knowing he was wandering off into a world I didn't understand then. I had an awful lot of respect for him in those years and all I wanted was to find that thing that could entertain my mind just like that.

I have found what I was looking for - it just hit me now after all those years.

One year ago

2008-09-14T11:16:00.006+01:00

It was a day just like today - bright weather, sun and this incredibly blue sky. So clear and strong it was almost painful. I remember I was thinking that this weather would either strengthen you or make you follow the calling. Recalling the shape of your tortured skinny body under the sheets, I knew it was a struggle you could not win. I knew you were tired, so very tired of all the pain and the suffering and even though you had been patient all your life long you were too tempted to let go after a period of deterioration considerably longer than predicted by the medical experts. Your sheer willpower had got you beyond that timeframe.

When you had taken your last breath, my life seemed to crumble: I was no longer the one I had been before, no longer the one with a mind of my own, stepping out of the beaten track once in a while. Rebel, child of generation X...all meaningless - I was the first born daughter who had lost the parent. The very one parent who had kept that dreadful diagnose secret until I had settled down abroad. You had supported, encouraged - and even admired me openly in your letters - and never asked me to come back home. How could I go another step now?

Now, home is where I feel people share the sense of respect and the commitment to one's own value system and dreams as you had instilled it in me - even though you had sacrificed your own dreams, those I believed in when I was a child, listening to your hopes and what you would be doing one day... You were not too proud to change and you were not to proud to give in, to admit you were wrong and you also taught me how to forgive when our value systems clashed and our very different ways to live and interpret the world around us seemed to collide.

I don't know where I would be without the past decade which taught me more about you and you and me and what life is all about - the more miles there were between us the closer we grew. Understanding. Respect. Dignity. Dedication. Commitment to one's calling. This is what lives on.

Menschen begleiten uns eine Weile

2008-07-17T16:25:00.000+01:00

einige bleiben für immer, denn sie hinterlassen Spuren in unseren Herzen. Kein Tag ohne dich.

In Memoriam

2008-07-09T15:11:00.003+01:00

Hans could still be alive if there had been a suitable donor organ available. However, organ transplant and donor passes have to be considered as long as you are in good health. If you want to give life, please check one of the links below and discuss with your love ones.If you feel this is not for you please see your GP regularly - my father was diagnosed at a stage too late to become recipient of a living donor organ-piece transplant (Lebend-spender).

GIVE LIFE - I've been a registered organ donor since 1989.

In unseren Herzen lebst du weiter.

2008-07-09T14:23:00.000+01:00

Final Tribute to my Dad

2008-07-09T14:20:00.001+01:00

At only 64 years of age, Hans-Juergen passed away on 14 September 2007, tired of a brave struggle against a merciless and lengthy illness. In your last days I was wondering how the bond between us evolved over the decades and how you may want me to continue what you valued. So many years we had spent homogenising what separated us and finally, the turning point was when we gave up believing that sameness is the key. There is happiness in difference and the respect and way of embracing each other's different life paths became a milestone in our lives and helped us to reconciliate with what we had lacked in our very early years. Fulfilling expectations and living up to other people's wants and needs had been a source of pain in your life. Denial and ignorance caused suffering, I will continue to fight them and I will continue to revive your dreams - you are the wind beneath my wings.

Born in Eggenstein, Hans took his last breath in Heidelberg.

2008-07-09T13:29:00.002+01:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eggenstein-Leopoldshafen
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heidelberg
http://www.klinikum.uni-heidelberg.de/Gastro-Intensiv.100439.0.html